What Came Next

The days, weeks and months that came after Jack’s death were some of the saddest, yet most special days of our life. As I look back, nearly five years later, that time is full of such tender and sacred moments. Although I never want to relive the pain of those days, I do long for the connection I felt. I believe that the reason we were able to experience our most tragic days with such grace is because we let people into our grief. We shared it with anyone who was willing. I felt like, if we could give a little bit at a time away to family and friends, it would lighten our load. Not only did it do that, it also created a bond that I had never felt before. When you lose a baby, everyone losses a baby. It is a very public affair. If a parent, brother, sister or friend passes away, a person can choose to talk about it with others or not. It is not common knowledge. When a baby dies, there is no avoiding it. I remember going to my first yoga class. I actually called the studio beforehand to talk to the instructor because I knew she was going to ask about the baby. When I couldn’t get ahold of her, I thought about not going. The story was not only hard for me to tell at the time, but it was equally as hard for other people to hear. More often than not, they would cry and then feel bad because I would end up consoling them. I had to decide if I was in a place to handle all of that. It was A LOT. I braved it and went to the class. It played out just as I thought it would. When she asked about the baby just before class started, I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I pushed the conversation until afterwards. When the class ended, I gave her a little bit of our grief. I shared our saddest moments with her. From that encounter, we moved beyond friends. I let her into a place most people don’t get invited to. This is how we healed; one person, one hug, one connection at a time. Our grief doesn’t have to break us. It can lead us. Listen to part two of our story about how I found my way back to myself.